


I Believe It's Called Brother

by 318



Series: Trajectory [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Gen, Late Night Conversations, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 16:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15319314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/318/pseuds/318
Summary: A few heavy conversations are due, and no member of the royal family was known to be especially good at talking about feelings.Thor and Loki talk, but centuries of merely assuming the other's thoughts lie heavy on their shoulders.





	I Believe It's Called Brother

**Author's Note:**

> Nearly 3 months after Infinity War and I still can't stop thinking about Thor and Loki. So I decided to give them a little time during Ragnarök to catch up and talk things out. 
> 
> The whole thing came out quite different from what I intended, but who am I to tell those two what they should do? It's my second English fic, and I'm still no native speaker. I tried to wipe out all mistakes, but I'm sure I overlooked some, so please tell me! 
> 
> One more thing: While writing I usually listen to instrumentals, because lyrics distract me. This time it was among others especially "Brothers" by Ludovico Einaudi. Feel free to listen to it, and you will understand why.

One last, deep breath and Loki stepped in. It was a small room, inappropriate for a king, he thought as he locked eyes with his brother through the mirror. 

Thor’s hand, which had absently touched the eye patch that covered his destroyed eye, dropped to the tumbler he held. He slowly turned around to face his brother.

For a change, Loki honestly said the first thing which came to his mind. ‘It suits you.’

Thor put his tumbler down. ‘You know, maybe you’re not so bad after all, brother.’

That must have been the most peaceful exchange of words they had in years. 

Tilting his head, Loki agreed. ‘Maybe not.’

His view fell to Thor’s hands, that now played with the stopper of one of the liquor decanters next to him. 

‘Thank you,’ Thor said, earnest. Then he added with the slightest hint of mockery, ‘If you were here, I might even give you a hug.’ He threw the stopper.

Without thinking, Loki lifted his arm and caught it. ‘I’m here.’

Thor’s lips formed a happy smile and he raised his arm. Loki understood immediately and tossed the item back. His brother picked it from the air, but his grip was uncertain and he fumbled a little. 

Clearing his throat, Thor turned and sealed the decanter the stopper belonged to. 

Loki frowned. ‘Your vision is restricted.’ He didn’t try to hide the disapproval in his voice. First of all, the _Lord of Thunder_ was a warrior. And for a warrior, a twisted view might be deadly. 

Thor waved dismissively. ‘I will get used to it, sooner or later.’ He didn’t look his brother in the eye, though.

Snorting, Loki nodded. ‘Of course. If you’re lucky, no one throws a dagger at you until this happens.’

‘Who would aim daggers at me, if not you, dear brother?’ Thor had the nerve to chuckle, but he lifted his head and slowly approached Loki at last. 

He stopped, merely inches away from Loki. Carefully, as if still not sure if his brother was really there, he moved his hand above Loki’s shoulder. There it hovered for a few seconds, before he gently gripped the back of Loki’s neck. 

Loki hold perfectly still. It was a gesture from the past, which made him feel strangely uncomfortable and placid both. He fought down the sudden urge to stab Thor, right there, simply because he dared to step into his space. Instead, he brought his own hand up and pointed at Thor’s eye patch. 

‘I should take a look at this,’ he said determined.

Thor’s thumb stroked his jaw before he dropped his hand. ‘Later,’ he said, and Loki lowered his arm. They stared at one another, when suddenly the door opened. 

‘Come on, it’s time!’ yelled the Valkyrie. Then she spotted Loki.

‘Lackey! Nice to see you!’ Her voice sounded mocking, but Loki neglected her.

‘Time for what?’ he asked suspiciously. 

His brother only grimaced. The Valkyrie didn’t share his restraint. ‘For his coronation. After all, he has to become king officially.’

She observed him attentively, clearly awaiting his reaction. Loki showed his most charming smile. ‘Of course.’

 

 

As expected, it wasn’t a real coronation, but a symbolic ceremony. There was no throne, no crown, no scepter on the Sakaaran vessel. No colorful dignitaries, no foreign diplomats, no feast. Only the wretched rest of what’s left of a once strong, proud people was watching intently as his brother strode through them. This was nothing like the last coronation Loki remembered. Most of all, the man who was to be crowned was not like Loki remembered.

This Thor waved uncomfortably at his subjects, seemed embarrassed at all the eyes following each of his movements. Loki stepped closer, wondering if his brother could do it. If he could be the king. But then Thor stopped jesting with his strange new friends and watched the infinite space in front of them. And he managed to look like all of it was his to take. No, like it already belonged to him.

‘Earth it is,’ he decided, and such dignity rang in his voice, that no one would ever dare to question him.

Well, except Loki. But not now.

 

 

After, he followed Thor back to his room. The first thing the new king of Asgard did was to pour them both big tumblers of strange Sakaaran liquor. While Loki sniffed and carefully tasted, Thor downed his in one big gulp. He didn’t appear to be harmed by it, so Loki drank without hesitation. When he finished, Thor already sipped his third drink and again palpated his eye patch. Loki swallowed his commentary in favor of a deep yawn.

Swiftly Thor dismissed his own reflection and glared at him. ‘You’re tired?’

‘Exhausted,’ Loki answered. On Sakaar, he only rarely allowed himself to sleep, there were to many dangers. And it hadn’t been easy to escape Ragnarök, not even with the Tesseract. Oh, what would Thor say, if he knew… To distract himself, he added, ‘After all, I destroyed the Realm Eternal today.’

Thor’s lowered his eye, but nodded. ‘Of course. Go to sleep, I have to check on the supplies. We haven’t recorded everything yet.’

That sounded not like a task which required Loki’s supervision, so sleeping was an excellent suggestion. He yawned again and asked, ‘Will you show me where?’

His brother smiled, confused. ‘I recommend the bed.’ He pointed his finger at the vast bed on the opposite wall.

‘That’s _your_ bed,’ Loki answered, equally confused. ‘I will not sleep in your bed!’

‘Then you’re free to make use of the floor. Loki, this is a single vessel for all what’s left of Asgard,’ Thor sighed. ‘We don’t have rooms to spare.’

He didn’t wait for Loki to respond and left the chamber.

For several minutes Loki just stood in the same place, frozen, and fought a fierce battle against his weariness in his head. His relationship with Thor was tense, at best, and sharing a bed without being able to talk properly was a really terrible idea. Hel, even if they could it would be a bad idea.

But Thor was gone for now… How long would it take to count the supplies? Loki’s need to rest took over. He quickly changed his armor into a night robe and threw himself unpretentiously on the bed. There would be enough time to find another place at Thor’s return.

Despite the monstrous things that happened in less than one day, he went fast asleep. 

 

 

Surtur’s flames blazed on Asgard and his sword split the palace in two parts. The fire roared, and Hela screamed, and Surtur laughed, and Asgard burnt…

Loki opened his eyes. The images of his dream didn’t fade. He rolled on his back and peered at the ceiling. It was ridiculous. He has been used to bad dreams since his early childhood. But this - this was reality. 

He did it. He made his wildest dreams come true, he destroyed the Realm Eternal and no one would ever be able to rebuild Asgard. Ironically, he felt nothing but deep grieve. Though he was not Asgardian, he spent his whole life there. And for the first time since he discovered the truth about his heritage, he remembered better times, antics and hunting trips, warrior exercises and sorcerer training. Before, one and half a millennium ago, times he spent with his family in Frigga’s gardens, her and Odin enjoying the sun, him and Thor playing hide and seek. He felt loved back in these days, he dreamt of a glorious future, him and his brother fighting side by side, and always winning.

That were childish hopes, illusions. Loki lost much, and he kept losing. Now he lost the only place he ever called home.

Still weary, he closed his eyes. But before sleep could claim him, the door opened. He lay relaxed, with deep, even breath. His heartbeat fastened. Whoever decided to come to his chamber was most likely an enemy -

The door closed, followed by a guttural groan Loki recognized. Thor.

Of course Thor came back, it was his chamber after all. How could Loki forget! The years spent as Odin must have cost him a part of his vigilance.

He kept pretending to sleep, his ears listened carefully to the sounds his brother made, though. Thor tried to be quiet, and Loki’s heart narrowed uncomfortably with the thought. 

After a few seconds he heard the clinking of the liquor bottles, two hasty gulps. The rustling of papers, then a repressed course, as Thor bumped into the leg of the table. 

More seconds passed in silence, before the other side of the bed lowered. Thor shifted uneasily, and Loki thought about his intention to leave the bed at his brother’s return. It vanished when he felt Thor’s fingers gently nudge into his own shoulder. With a approving hum Thor went to sleep and Loki followed. 

 

 

The next time Loki woke, he didn’t recall his dreams, although he was sure they were unpleasant. Slowly he opened his eyes. Thor leaned against the headboard, one hand fiddling with his eye patch, looking down on him, brow furrowed. 

Loki raised one eyebrow. ‘May I help you?’

Thor shrugged. ‘I’m not sure you can.’ The fingers of his left hand drew patterns on the sheets.

‘Then sleep. You make me nervous and I’m still tired.’

Thor’s soft chuckle filled the silence. ‘That’s the problem. You make _me_ nervous as well.’

Now he had his brothers attention. Loki carefully sat up. ‘I’ll leave you then,’ he uttered vigorously and moved to get rid of his blanket. A big hand took hold of his wrist.

‘Stay,’ Thor said almost pleadingly. ‘It’s too late to make me not nervous.’ 

Loki freed himself and snorted. He materialized one of his daggers and put it in front of Thor’s face. ‘You’re afraid?’ he asked in a low voice.

Thor smiled dimly. ‘It’s probably unwise, but no.’

Surprised, Loki made his weapon disappear. ‘When you’re not concerned about me killing you, why are you nervous?’ 

‘It’s like sleeping next to my darkest nightmares,’ Thor blurted out. 

Despite everything that happened, every cruel word and every brutal fight, Loki felt like Thor hit him right in the face. With Mjølnir. It was possible that in this moment Loki loathed Thor even more than himself. 

‘I see,’ he answered flatly. ‘In the end I _am_ the monster that parents tell their children at night. Although Frigga had the decency to spare me.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Thor sounded confused. 

‘That you can’t sleep next to a Jotunn?’ Loki snapped. ‘Weren’t we talking about my nightmarish tendencies?’

Thor growled and punched a pillow with his fist. ‘You are unbelievable. The only one here who can’t get over your lineage is you. I don’t care if you’re Æsir or Jotunn or Human or a fucking mouse, you idiot.’

‘The almighty Thor has spoken!’ Loki shot back, furious. ‘How dare I dwell on my petty issues, when the Allfather calls them irrelevant!’

‘Don’t name me Allfather!’ Thor screamed. 

Loki hissed. ‘Oh, you don’t like that. But you _are_ the Allfather, brother!’

Bursts of lightning crackled on Thor’s hands and his remaining eye started to gleam. ‘Stop it!’ he yelled with desperation in his voice. He was about to lose his temper completely.

He already crossed the line, so Loki went on. ‘Do it,’ he mocked. ‘Come on, kill me, Allfather.’

They still sat in bed, facing each other, Thor could strike him with a lightning without any effort. But his eye returned to his natural blue colour and the electricity faded away. 

‘What are we doing, Loki?’ he asked exhausted. 

‘What we do best. Fighting.’

Thor managed a wan smile. ‘You don’t want me to kill you, do you?’ 

Loki smiled back. ‘You trying would make things more interesting.’ He was only provoking and his brother knew it.

‘That’s why you make me nervous’, Thor continued thoughtfully. ‘I was terrified that you’re gone when I woke. Then I touched you and was nearly as terrified that you’re still here. I don’t know what to do with you,’ he admitted gravely. ‘I want to ask a million questions, but I’m afraid of the answers. I want you by my side and as far away as possible, at the same time. It’s demanding.’

‘Did it occur to you to ask what _I_ want?’ The question was much softer than intended, and Thor laughed.

‘You don’t know what you want,’ he said, and Loki took a harsh breathe, speechless. Although Thor was correct, he _had no right to_ -

As if he felt Loki’s rage, Thor raised his hands placatorily. ‘I didn’t mean to annoy you. But I’m not wrong, am I?’ He hesitated. ‘That’s why you here. Because you don’t know if you want to be on your own anymore.’

Loki’s wrath dissolved. ‘Maybe, I don’t know.’ He laughed without joy, experiencing the sudden urge to tell Thor things he didn’t even dare to think normally. 

‘I don’t know what to do with my life. All these years… You know what image I had of myself? The tragic prince, charming and clever, unfortunately punished by fate to be the second son. Punished with a father who would not acknowledge his superiority. Punished with an elder brother whose stupidity would ruin the realm.’

He glanced at Thor, but his brother’s expression didn’t falter. He looked Loki straight in the eyes, concentrated.

‘I thought it was my destiny to play tricks and mess around and simultaneously be your voice of reason, as long as Odin would discover his mistake. Then _everything_ happened. After I - left,’ he shook off the memories of the void, ‘I had no plan for my life anymore. I merely tried to cause as much damage as possible.’ He grinned. ‘And I loved it.’ 

He paused. Thor asked, ‘What changed?’ 

‘Nothing. Everything,’ Loki said, shrugging. 

‘“Satisfaction is not in my nature”’, Thor said. 

Loki smirked. ‘Aye.’ 

The silence stretched, seconds became minutes. Loki wondered about Thor’s reaction. No obvious disgust, no anger, nothing. Suddenly a thought crossed his mind. 

‘You knew already,’ he said slowly. 

Thor looked up, openly confused. ‘What?’

‘You figured me out. You manipulated me into aiding you.’ Loki stared at him in disbelief. ‘You told me you never wanted to see me again, because you knew I would do the exact opposite! Such a dumb lie, and I bought it like a fool!’

Shocked he jumped out of bed and began pacing around. ‘I can’t believe it! _You_ played _me_! You of all people!’

Loki laughed. The whole situation was ridiculous. How could he actually believe the things Thor told him on Sakaar? He turned around and faced his brother, furious. Thor slowly got up.

‘Loki, listen. I-’

‘Don’t!’ Loki gnashed his teeth and pulled out a dagger. 

Thor’s face fell, but he didn’t shrink back. Instead, he cautiously approached Loki. 

His hands trembled in anger, but Loki let Thor take hold of his shoulders. He was curious what his brother would say. 

‘Please, listen,’ he said. So much sincerity in his voice. Loki felt the urge to throw up. 

‘I didn’t lie to you, I meant what I said. I just hoped -’

The door burst open and the Valkyrie stepped in. Again.

‘Didn’t want to wake you, but there’s a problem -’ she stopped and looked at them, standing in the middle of the room, Thor clinging to Loki’s shoulders, Loki pointing a dagger at Thor’s ribs. 

‘What are you two doing?’ she asked appalled. 

‘Conversation,’ Loki snapped and shook off Thor’s hands. He strolled over to the table, took a look at the various liquors and poured himself a tumbler, fully aware of the stares in his back. 

The Valkyrie murmured something he didn’t make an effort to understand, and continued. ‘There’s a problem with the Hulk. I can’t get him calm, he’s rampaging down in the cargo hold. That’s likely not the best idea.’

Sighing Thor followed her out of the room. A few moments later he was back, glanced at Loki and solicited: ‘Don’t be gone at my return. We have to speak about this.’ Then he vanished.

More than half an hour Loki considered the request. One part of him wanted dearly to grab the Tesseract and leave Thor for good, weary of the everlasting circles they went through. But his other half was tired of running away and craved to hear what Thor was about to say. 

So he stayed. He took two drinks before he decided to go to bed. He still had much to rectify.

 

 

He dreamt of Sakaar. It was a rather stupid dream, none of his usual nightmares. He and Thor worked together and overthrew the Grandmaster. Loki claimed the rule over Sakaar, while Thor retired as a horse breeder. Some time all was well, but then Thor decided that Loki needed a queen and insisted on him marrying the Valkyrie. Loki denied her and the Hulk got angry and squeezed him in one big fist - 

Awakening, the tight feeling of being crushed remained. Loki slowly opened his eyes and looked down. 

Thor was back. His nose was buried into Loki’s rib cage, and one of his long arms was slung tightly around Loki’s torso. It was dark in their chamber, but Loki could see he still wore his eye patch. 

Brilliant, Loki thought. Now I’m his stuffed animal. 

Involuntarily he remembered the big stuffed moose Thor had at a very young age. He had loved it and slept curled around it every night. Someday, Loki had played with his new-found magic and accidently burned the moose. Thor had cried one entire afternoon, and Loki had cried, too, because he thought his brother hated him. But Thor had discovered him in his room and forgave him without any accusations. That night, they had slept curled up around each other.

Loki hadn’t thought about the damn moose in centuries. With the memory in his mind, he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of Thor. Sentiment. He sighed and leaned back. He could use a few more minutes of peace, until Thor woke and wanted to talk again.

The howling sound of a siren interrupted his attempt of resting a little longer. It announced morning, not that there was something like morning in endless space.

Thor yawned and his hold on Loki tightened, before he realized what he was doing and shied away. 

‘I am sorry,’ he said, clearly embarrassed. 

‘It’s my own fault,’ Loki replied dryly. ‘I burned your moose, now I have to bear the consequences.’ 

Thor’s view veiled and he smiled. ‘I almost didn’t remember it. Its name was… Bor, was it?’ 

Groaning, Loki nodded. ‘Only you could name a stuffed animal after your grandfather.’

Without losing more time the two brothers joined their people at breakfast. The following day was long, unpleasant and exhausting. At first Loki simply trailed behind Thor and observed. Involuntarily he found himself impressed with his brother’s patience. All the Asgardians were sad, angry and confused, and all asked the same questions. And their new king took his time to talk and answer to every single one of his approaching subjects. His pure beaming presence, accompanied by the wide smile on his lips, was enough to cheer up the people.

After a few hours they started to talk to Loki, too. Surprisingly they didn’t question his actions or his moral, instead they wanted to hear about Midgard and if Asgard was truly gone. 

Much later, when they had dealt with all urgent matters and retreated to their room, Loki asked Thor, ‘Why do they accept me?’

Thor was again occupied with his reflection. ‘What?’

‘Why do they accept me? Weren’t they present the last ten years?’

‘Who was not present?’

Loki took a deep breath that prevented him from strangling his brother and made the mirror shatter with a twist of his wrist. 

‘Norns!’ Thor flinched. ‘That was unnecessary.’

‘Why do they accept me?’

‘Why shouldn’t they?’ Thor asked back, fingers still on his eye patch. ‘You forget they are normal people, no courtiers, no warriors. They aren’t interested in politics. I don’t know, probably they know rumors what happened in our family, but all what they see is their new king with his brother by his side, their prince.’

‘I am no prince,’ Loki said ill-humored. 

‘Yes, you are.’ Thor grinned.

Loki ignored him. His mind was still racing. He couldn’t quite comprehend the sudden acceptance of his person. Not even Heimdall behaved hostile around him. It was very unnerving. Deep in thought he flipped himself on the bed.

Thor sat down next to him. ‘Already forgot your objections to our sleeping situation?’

‘It would be endurable, at least if you could give up on cuddling,’ Loki replied and arched one eyebrow.

Chuckling, Thor declared, ‘It was kinda nice. Brought back old memories.’

‘I don’t do reminiscing.’ 

‘That’s alright,’ Thor said kindly and laid down. ‘If you don’t mind, I have to say a few things, nevertheless. About last night.’

There was tautness in his voice, and Loki could feel the tension rise in him as well. 

‘I didn’t lie on Sakaar.’ Thor had hardly begun, but Loki had to interrupt him yet. 

‘Oh, please. “I thought the world of you.”’

‘Aye,’ Thor said sternly, causing Loki to sit up abruptly. 

‘Do you think me an idiot you can manipulate with this plumb flattery?’ he hissed. ‘I stood always in your shadow. No one would ever see _me_ , just you and your addition of a deficient brother.’

‘I don’t know about other people,’ Thor said, voice unbearable calm and reasonable. ‘I can only speak for myself. And I know I made more mistakes than I could list. I dismissed our disagreements as brotherly squabbles and I rejected your opinion far too often. In my world our bond was strong and meant to last forever. It never occurred to me that in your world you hated me.’

Loki closed his eyes for a moment. The last sentences hurt, far worse than he could have imagined.

Thor folded his arms under his head. ‘When I called you a nightmare the other night, that actually had nothing to do with you. But during the last years I often dreamt of you. And I came to the conclusion that, if I hadn’t been a dumb, arrogant fool - _if I only had listened_ \- nothing had happened. That we had never drifted apart, that mother didn’t die. And father, and _Asgard_... Do you know what the best part is?’

He laughed, and it was a joyless sound, that didn’t match Thor and Loki never wanted to hear from his brother ever again. 

‘I could only draw this conclusion because Father banished me to Earth, where I learned to see. So I could have prevented my banishment and the following events only _after_ said banishment. My only chance would be to travel back in time.’

‘Please don’t try,’ Loki said and fought the lump in his throat. 

‘Don’t worry, I’m no sorcerer,’ Thor uttered dryly. After a brief pause he continued. ‘What would you change, if you could?’

‘I beg your pardon?’ He propped up at his elbow to get a better look at Thor.

‘What would you change? If you _could_ travel back in time?’

The simple question left Loki speechless, if only for a moment. He forced himself to respond, to hide his uneasiness. ‘Everything?’ 

Something in Thor’s expression shifted. Loki tried to read the look in his eye, but his brother covered it with one big arm. ‘I see.’

‘No, you don’t,’ Loki answered, trying to sound light. ‘Your arm is in front of your eye.’ He flicked a finger against the part of Thor’s nose that was uncovered. 

Thor ignored him, but he lowered his arm, so that Loki could see his gaze. There was such overwhelming grief in it that Loki shivered. 

‘Good night, Loki,’ he said artificial casually, then turned to his side.

Loki frowned at his brother’s back. He had the strange feeling that he missed something. 

‘Remove your eye patch, you will get sore if you leave it always on. And I wanted to take a look at your eye anyway.’ 

Thor’s broad shoulders stiffened. ‘I’m fine, thank you.’

Patience was not one of Loki’s strengths. He waved, and the patch came flying to his hand. Thor tried to reach for it, but Loki was faster, so he quickly hid his bad eye. 

‘Give it back,’ he snarled, pissed. 

Loki eyed him amused. ‘No, I don’t think so. Now stop sulking and let me take a look.’ 

‘ _I_ don’t think so,’ was the muffled answer. Thor had put a pillow over his face. 

Disbelieving, Loki asked, ‘Are you ashamed? Because you lack an eye? Your vanity is overwhelming.’

‘No!’ Thor said weakly. ‘I want nothing but to forget about it, so could you please stop talking? Thank you!’

A simple twist of Loki’s wrist and the pillow disappeared. ‘You are the king of Asgard, start acting like it,’ he said harshly. 

Thor rubbed his empty eye socket, but he rose and turned hesitantly to face his brother. 

‘It feels wrong,’ he admitted quietly. 

‘It should,’ Loki huffed. Nevertheless, he took Thor’s hand and removed it very gently. He swallowed. The black hole gaping in his brother’s face was slightly disturbing. 

He cleared his throat and waved a detecting spell. ‘It doesn’t seem sore yet.’

‘Told you,’ Thor insisted, while Loki summoned an ointment which should speed up the healing. 

‘Hela’s magic is dampening the healing. Use this.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t need - what are you doing?’

Interesting, Loki thought, he cannot sense it. ‘I grease your eye.’

Thor stirred. ‘Thanks, mother,’ he bit, but he seemed to relax.

When Loki ended the treatment, the tension in Thor’s shoulders had completely faded away and he leaned his brow against Loki’s, eyes closed. 

‘It’s sleeping time, I suppose,’ Loki murmured, taken aback from his own longing to be near his brother. He slowly drew away and put the ointment and the eye patch on the table. 

When he slipped in bed, Thor laid on his back, his index finger occupied with the brink of his wound. 

‘Remove your stubby finger. Unsettling lesions does nothing for you feeling better.’

Shrugging, Thor withdrew. His view caught Loki’s. ‘I disagree. It’ll help. Sure, for now it hurts. I think it has to before it gets better. I hope that if I understand the - changes, I learn to accept them.’ 

The lump in Loki’s throat was back, when he realised his brother pursued the same method to try and fix their relationship. He should have told him that there were things that couldn’t be fixed, but he didn’t. Because he yearned for it to happen.

Being with Thor was emotionally exhausting. Loki curled up on his side, facing the wall. ‘Night.’

The answer was indistinct snoring.

 

 

Possibly they hadn’t slept more than two hours when Loki startled. For a moment he wondered why he woke, then a large hand smacked his nose. Thor rolled from side to side, struggling and tossing his arms, and muttered unrelated words. 

The next time he caught his brother’s hand before it could hit his chin and sat up.

‘Norns!’ Loki cursed. ‘Thor, wake up!’

‘Loki,’ Thor babbled, still dreaming. Loki considered stabbing him, just a little for old time’s sake, then Thor cried ‘No!’ and opened his eye. He jumped out of bed, looking as if he fought in a great battle. 

‘Rough dream?’

Thor groaned. ‘Don’t know. Can’t - did I order you to cause Ragnarök?’

‘I would call it a suggestion,’ Loki said indignantly. 

His brother slumped on the bed. ‘Then it was rough reality, I suppose.’

Thor buried his head in his hands. ‘I may be the worst king who ever lived. Ordering the annihilation of my Realm before I even was crowned!’

‘Merely suggested!’ Loki snapped. ‘No need to feel responsible. _I_ had to run and _do_ it. The unpleasant errands lie always in my duty.’

Abruptly Thor lifted his head and examined Loki’s face. ‘Are you angry with me? For making you destroy Asgard?’

Surprised, Loki shook his head. ‘Of course not. It was the only thing doable.’

Though he nodded, Thor seemed not convinced. ‘Do you dream about it?’

‘Aye,’ Loki confessed. 

‘What are you doing against it?’

‘Thor - you can’t do anything against dreaming.’

‘ _I_ can’t do anything. What about you?’ Thor asked innocently. 

Loki narrowed his eyes. ‘Are you proposing me messing with your mind? Are you mad?’

‘Not mad,’ Thor said stubbornly. ‘Why not?’

‘Why don’t you comprehend we are - kind of enemies? It would be very dumb to trust me, I thought you understood that. As usual I thought too highly of you!’ Loki could not believe him. After all the betrayal and hate between them, Thor wanted him still inside his head. Loki was wavering between being moved and wanting to hurt him, to make him less trusting. Every second he spent with Thor seemed to tear him apart.

‘You think low of me,’ Thor all but smiled. ‘Loki, when we sleep I am completely defenceless, and yet you have not harmed me. And if you wanted to mess with my mind, you would have already done it, I suppose.’

Once again Thor left him speechless. Thor only rarely made an effort to think about anything, but if, there was no arguing with his logic.

‘Nevertheless, I won’t do it,’ he hissed to keep his countenance. He wasn’t certain if he could survive seeing Thor’s memories and feeling his overwhelming emotions.

Thor beamed at him. ‘If we were enemies, you would use the opportunity.’

Loki merely stared at him, trembling with anger. This imbecile, ignorant moron - 

\- apparently didn’t want to fight. He pulled the blanket over his body. ‘I go back to my bad dreams, then,’ Thor said pitiful. 

‘I won’t do it,’ Loki repeated sternly. 

‘Fine.’

‘Fine!’

Why did it feel like the were children again?

 

 

What remained of the night the brothers spent restlessly. Either Loki woke from his own unpleasant dreams, or Thor kept him awake. Unsurprisingly, they both were in bad mood when the howling siren declared morning and dodged one another during the day. 

No chance we stay like this all the way to Midgard, Loki thought. He stood outside their chamber and couldn’t bring himself to enter it, when Thor approached in the hall. He gazed at Loki quizzical.

‘I thought I forgot to check the fuel,’ Loki lied smoothly. 

The corners of Thor’s mouth twitched. ‘I met Brunnhilde who seemed to be sent on this errand by you. Much to her dismay.’

Capitulating, Loki rose his arms. ‘You caught me. I just don’t look forward to another night spent by your annoying side.’

‘While your presence is one of perfect delight,’ Thor added and opened the door. 

They both were tired, but they stood in the middle of the room and eyed one another warily.

Suddenly a wonderful solution crossed Loki’s head. ‘Why don’t we just get drunk? No bad dreams and you are less unnerving when I’m drunk.’

Thor’s eye brightened. ‘Deal!’

They settled into two comfortable armchairs, a glass table with all available liquor between them. 

Usually, Loki was very picky about what he drank, but tonight he chose the first bottle which caught his eye while Thor did the same. They needn’t worry about poison. The Valkyrie had tracked down every single driblet of alcohol on the whole ship, gathered it and tasted every bottle. Not for them, of course. Loki had to pull a few of his bigger tricks to steal from her stock. 

The Sakaaran liquor didn’t attain the tart sweetness of Asgardian mead, although it was equally strong. The perfect liquid to get drunk, Loki thought after he finished his second bottle. Thor already sucked at his third and slowly slid down his armchair. 

‘Bed?” Loki asked slurred. 

Thor wagged his head. ‘Too tired. Sleep here.’ He closed his eyes. 

‘You don’t,’ Loki answered determined. He concentrated, the magic came not as easy to him like when he was sober. 

Nonetheless he managed to lift up Thor, who said weakly, ‘Hey!’

Loki put him down on the bed, not without bumping his head at the headboard first. Thor only hummed approvingly. Getting himself to the bed was much more difficult. Loki took two attempts until he finally ended up next to Thor, who he thought already fast asleep. Until he said, ‘Loki.’

Startled, Loki replied, ‘Thor?’

His brother watched him with his bright blue eye. ‘Are you here?’

‘Aye,’ Loki said amused.

Thor’s gaze remained uncertain. ‘Really?’

The alcohol confused Loki’s thoughts, so he didn’t accomplish a both sarcastic and assuring answer. Therefore, he simply leaned his brow against Thor’s shoulder, eyes shut. ‘You feel it?’

Thor didn’t respond, but his hand found the back of Loki’s neck and lingered there while they both fell asleep. 

 

 

Sleeping drunk was peaceful and dreamless, and Loki felt more balanced the next morning than in a long time. By the way Thor was scarcely audible singing to himself some strange Midgardian melodies during the breakfast he decided his brother was also well rested. So they kept the pattern.

The next days ran smoothly. After a good night’s rest Loki wasn’t in the mood to provoke Thor continuously, who appeared even-tempered and cheerful. Living in Asgard furnished them both with a high resistance for alcohol, hence their day work didn’t suffer. 

They fell in routine quickly. While Thor gave the Valkyrie different tasks on widespread places all over the _Statesman_ , Loki crept into her stock and stole just as much alcohol from her that she didn’t notice the lack. After he and Thor split the spoil, usually several bottles, they immediately retreated to bed. Thor relinquished the deep and meaningful conversations, and Loki was very grateful for the more formal, facile way of interacting. If you skip the opening up, there’s no need to fight. 

Only right before sleeping inebriated Thor slightly freaked out. Every night he asked if Loki was really there. And because Loki was always dead drunk himself, he simply snuggled into Thor’s side to reassure him and they both fell asleep. The following morning, when he had freed himself of too much Thor, he felt a little awkward for sleeping like that, but Thor never brought it up. 

All in all, everything went exactly according to plan. Until the fourth day, when Loki went cocky and the Valkyrie discovered the loss of her liquor. 

It was maybe two hours after the brothers had called it a night, when the Valkyrie came rushing in their room. 

‘You have to stop to drop in on us like this,’ Loki snarled and jacked Thor’s arm up from his chest to sit. Thor just scowled and eventually started to wake up.

‘What is it?’ Thor yawned. 

The Valkyrie stand absolutely still, only her clenched fists trembled. Her gaze wandered from the empty bottles on the table to the near full that Thor took to bed with him. 

‘You,’ she said, and despite the dizziness in his head Loki felt a shiver creep down his spine. Her tone was cold and deadly, and her narrowed eyes focused on them. 

She slowly, slowly approached them. Once on a hunting trip Thor and Loki watched a bearess stalking her prey before killing it without mercy. The Valkyrie had the same look on her face. 

As she stepped closer, Loki finally recognized the signs of withdrawal in her features. And considering that she had been drunk for who knows how many centuries, cold turkey must be one hell of a ride. Maybe stealing from her was not one of his more excellent ideas.

‘Listen,’ he began, his silvertongue as last resort. He didn’t get a chance to speak, since the Valkyrie leapt on the bed. In the blink of an eye Thor pushed Loki down and launched himself across him, hands held high and ready for defense. But there was no attack. The Valkyrie grabbed the remaining bottle and hovered over them, her face merely an inch away from Thor’s. 

‘Do that again,’ she hissed, ‘and I tear you apart. You both.’ Then she was gone. 

‘Go down,’ Loki pressed. Thor’s weight on his breast made breathing difficult. 

Thor slowly obeyed, his nervous eye on the slammed door. ‘We should talk to her,’ he said. 

‘You would like that, wouldn’t you?’ Loki murmured. ‘Have fun.’

‘I said, “we”. Come on, she is clearly in a very bad mood.’

‘I said, “Have fun",’ Loki replied and turned around so he could face the wall instead of his heroic brother. If he wanted to rescue the damsel in distress, it was his problem.

‘Are you afraid of her?’ Thor already wobbled to the door.

Loki snorted. ‘Obviously. After all I am weak and can’t defend myself.’

Bewildered, Thor stopped. ‘Nobody indicated - what are you talking about?’

‘Didn’t you just push me out of her way because you think me incapable of taking care of myself?’ Loki hated the whiny touch of his voice. Damned alcohol. He crawled out of bed, grasped one of the empty bottles from the table and sat down. If he concentrated...

‘Do you genuinely think my whole life purpose is to debase you?’ Thor asked angrily. ‘One of my strongest instincts is to keep you safe, because you are my little brother, not because you are weak. You aren’t. I am dreadfully sorry, but I can’t help it. Clearly it is a crime to care about you.’

Thor came back and took place in his armchair opposite Loki’s. He deliberately averted his gaze. 

‘Thor -’

‘No, my turn,’ Thor cut him off. ‘After mother had told me of your true heritage, I started to recall things I have long thought lost. I remember the first time I saw you…’ His voice trailed off, deep in thought. 

‘Obviously I fully understood just recently, but they played a big hide and seek with you. Mother spent a long time with you in a locked chamber… Of course, now I comprehend they had to fake a pregnancy. But then - all I knew was that something was wrong. They must have hidden you from me for several months. And then one day Father took me by the hand and led me to your crib. I knew intuitively something important happened. He made me sit on his lap and laid you in my arms. You know what he said? I can’t believe I could ever forget it. He said you were my brother, and I was yours, and that being a brother is one of the greatest honours and strongest bonds in life. He told me as the elder it was my responsibility to always look after you and keep you safe.’

He picked up the stopper he aimed at Loki when his brother came to him after Ragnarök and threw it up, caught it and repeated the process. Loki’s brain squirmed like he was in the stopper’s place. He shoved the image of a caring Allfather with to infants on his knees out of his head. Absentmindedly he opened his hand and Thor flung the stopper at him. Despite his unrest he captured it with certainty and tossed it back. They slowly bandied the stopper, like they did it with similar accidentally chosen things in their long lives. 

As the silence became unbearable, Loki said, ‘He lied to you, then. I am not your responsibility.’

‘Sure you are,’ Thor replied warily and threw the stopper a little harder than before. ‘We’re family.’

‘You know we aren’t.’

Thor moaned exhausted. ‘Family is not made by blood. Neither is brotherhood.’

‘Of course. That’s the definition.’

‘No, it’s not. It’s made by - I don’t know. Probably the same experiences. Quarrel about stupid unimportant details, reconcile, drink until you pass out. See the best and the worst sides of each other. Know the same old jokes. Laugh together, fight next to each other and have each other’s back. Maybe that’s a more adequate definition.’

‘Then we are indeed not family. We didn’t do these things, I was always completely in your shadow,’ Loki replied automatically, though it was hard to remember the shadow when Thor’s sun was as bright and beaming it seemed to wash Loki’s darkness away. Maybe Loki wasn’t even a shadow, maybe he was just nothing in comparison to Thor. 

‘I know you don’t want to hear this, but since I’m the Allfather now and therefore undoubtedly wise, I want to ask you something: Have you ever seen yourself simply for yourself and not in comparison to me or Father?’ Thor spoke earnest, keeping the stopper and finally looking his brother in the eye. ‘I don’t want to offend you. You don’t even have to answer me. Yet think about it, please. In the end it’s important what _you_ think, not them.’ 

‘No, it’s not,’ Loki objected gently. ‘When everyone you ever knew told you every single day of your life that you are a disappointment because you’re not like your brother, then it’s unimportant what you are thinking.’ His voice grew coarser. ‘And regardless I could have lived with it. Until I discovered it all had been a lie. There was never the possibility for a Jotunn of being no disappointment to Asgard, Odin simply liked to see me fail.’

Thor squeezed his eye shut. ‘You know that is not true,’ he said weakly.

Helpless laughter bubbled out of Loki’s mouth. ‘Exactly. It was never true, nothing of it. Especially not these fantasies about sticking together until the end. But you already had this enlightenment, didn’t you? You wanted me dead after what I did on Midgard.’

Shaking his head in denial, Thor answered appalled, ‘I never wanted you dead and I never will.’ 

‘Odin told me,’ Loki said with a steady voice. ‘You told me yourself. “Betray me and I kill you.” I always betray you, it was just a matter of time.’

Confused, he watched how Thor started to laugh. ‘You believed me? You, who repeatedly called me the worst liar in all the Nine Realms? _I_ didn’t buy it!’ 

Sudden anger rinsed through Loki. ‘Then you are an even bigger fool than I have imagined.’

Thor wiped the tears from his eye and started fiddling with his eye patch once again. ‘Probably. Nevertheless, I intended to keep my promise.’ He added with a furtive expression, ‘You know what I’m talking about.’

Of course Loki knew. It had been the night before Loki’s warrior training started. He had been afraid of the battles to come, and to comfort him, Thor promised him to fight by his side in every combat. And when someday the enemies would be stronger than the two brothers, the would gladly die side by side and overstep the threshold of Valhalla together.

‘It is a silly and childish promise,’ Loki said through gritted teeth. 

‘True. Although the mere thought gave me joy and comfort in battle.’

Gradually Loki’s desperation grew. A thinking and caring Thor was disarming. Or Loki was still too drunk to handle his arguments. Either way, he didn’t want to fight Thor right now. So he summoned his magic and with all his concentration he managed to refill the empty bottle he still clasped in his hand.

‘Wait,’ Thor said. ‘You could make it? The whole time? Then why we stole from Brunnhilde in the first place?’

Loki sneered. ‘Because I can’t make it, I only augmented the last remaining driblets. But the taste suffers.’

Thor shook his head and murmured something about mischief. 

Pretending he hadn’t heard him Loki handed Thor the bottle and together they emptied it in merely seconds. Loki refilled it again, and after the shared second bottle they both were indifferent once more. Perhaps now they could have their deserved rest from reality.

This night, Thor didn’t ask if Loki was really there, and Loki all but regretted that there was no need to move closer.

 

 

The next morning Loki dodged Thor’ curious eye and went to find the Valkyrie before breakfast. 

He casted invisibility over himself before he sneaked into the quarters she shared with a few former royal sewers, only to find her sleeping spot untouched. 

Though the _Salesman_ was a big vessel, he couldn’t think of much hiding places. So he went straight for her secret stock in the front cargo hold. 

He swallowed when he caught a glimpse of her leg hanging over a box. Carefully he moved around widespread and partly broken bottles and looked at her face. Her usually dark brown skin was unnaturally pale with a gray touch. 

She was unconscious, but Loki could see her eyes jerk under the lids. He sighed. Obviously one opened bottle wasn’t enough to keep her alcohol levels up. Hesitating, he reached out to her head and gently looked into her mind. Her thoughts were even more unpleasant than the first time. 

Initially, he wanted to talk to her, now he reconsidered and collected all intact bottles without waking her. Sober, augmenting the liquids was as easy as snapping his fingers.

When he put down the last bottle, there was a loud dull noise behind him, followed by hurried swallows. Immediately he tensed and slowly turned around. 

She drank two bottles before she even gazed at him. Silently Loki admired her condition. A few sips of booze and she changed from a water corpse back into an angry warrior. Although, now she appeared thoughtful.

When Loki couldn’t bear the silence longer, he said, ‘You’re welcome’ and tried to take his leave.

Her barking laughter made him stop and look back.

‘How does you stealing from me makes _me_ the one who has to thank?’

Loki’s brow furrowed. ‘I was under the imagination that I created some of your treasured drug for you. If it isn’t required, I can take it back.’ 

The Valkyrie showed no interest in him twisting her words. Her sight lingered rather on his hands. 

‘Created,’ she repeated. ‘Maybe, after all, you’re of some use.’ 

She smiled at him contentiously. He contained his conflicted emotions about her and hold her gaze. He couldn’t figure her out, she was much too unpredictable.

‘I can’t figure you out,’ she said, and Loki tried hard to not look startled. ‘I mean... What’s this thing with Thor? One night I walk in on you, and you have a dagger at his ribs. Another, you two clutch to one another like you get sucked in outer space if you let go. I don’t get it. How do you call it?’

Loki put on a wry smile and sighed. ‘I believe the term is “Brother”.’

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> In my head, there is plenty of time between the main part of Ragnarok and the mid credit scene. I imagine the famous (not) hug scene as the start of a new and better relationship with the two of them actually talking to each other... Unlikely, I know, but I can't stand the fact that they start to reconcile after so long and puff! Infinity War happens... Makes me sad.


End file.
